So what are you having?

That is the first question that people ask you when you announce that you are having a baby. That or “Do you know what you’re having having?”
I especially like the second question as it implies that I might be the sort of person that finds out the sex of my future child but decides to keep it a secret…..for some reason.

I’ve since realised that “So do you know what you’re having yet?” Is actually just one of those automated questions like “How are you today?” People don’t REALLY care that much if your child is going to be a boy or a girl, it doesn’t really impact their lives too much unless they have a cupboard full of unworn pink newborn outfits they are looking to offload.


So what are we having?

Well we don’t know yet as we haven’t had our 20 week scan yet but thanks for asking.


Are you going to find out?

Hopefully at some point, we hadn’t planned to raise our child A-Sexually.


So the debate has begun, shall we wait till the baby pops out to be told if our world is going to become very pink or very blue?

Or shall we find out now before we convince ourselves that we are having a girl because of some gypsy idea that the belly is pointing to the west or that Emma is craving tree bark.


Here’s some of the advice we have received so far


“You should wait, there’s not many real surprises in life, not good ones at least so you should savour this one”


“Find out, it’s not a Kinder Egg”


“If you know what sex it is then there’s a good chance you will name the baby before it is even born”

The person who told me this then struggled and debated for days after the birth of their daughter to give her a name. My suggestion of “White Dee” wasn’t well received.


“Just make sure it’s a boy to carry on the Shilling name”

(That was my dad bless him)


“If it’s your first child you should wait, if it’s not then find out”


“Well I don’t want to find out so don’t tell me…or your dad for that matter, you may as well broadcast it on TV if you plan on telling your dad”

(That was my mum).


Full circle

Long before Emma got pregnant I’d always thought it was pointless waiting to find out the sex of the baby. The MAN in me started thinking about practicalities like how we should decorate the baby’s room and how I might mentally prepare myself to have two girls tormenting me.

That was until a client came to the studio with twin girls and told and shared the first bit of advice.

Now I want to wait but my wife who I’d previously convinced that a baby is not a Kinder Egg was now firmly in the “let’s find out” camp.


Her reasons have included “We’ll be able to tell from the scan anyway and I don’t want to have to look away”

“By the time have our second child they would have probably banned finding out the sex of your baby because of all those terminations that happen in places like china where they really want a boy.”

“If it’s a boy then at least I’ll have a few months to prepare myself.”


The truth be told I’m more impatient that I thought I was. As a baby photographer I’m told how patient I am all the time, perhaps I started believing this untruth.


At any rate my mother in law in very much in the find out camp so I guess we’ll be finding out tomorrow.

what sex is your baby

is a baby and family portrait photographer at Memory Gate Photography he is due to become a father for the first time on 11th July 2014

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