Why don’t want England to get to the World Cup final

As a long suffering England fan this might seem to strange statement to make, after all we’ll probably not make it past the group stages because it’s too hot or someone broke their metatarsal.
But what would happen if that impossible dream came true and England made it to their first World Cup final in 48 years?
I tell you what would happen to me, I’ll be in a hospital whilst my wife milks her labour through the whole pre-match chatter, into the kick-off and for the remainder of the game. I bet there won’t be a TV in the room either.
I probably won’t be able to pop out to watch even the second half.

It’ll be one of those stories when people say

Where were you when England defined the odds and lifted the World Cup in the most spectacular fashion?

My answer will be

We were in hospital giving birth to Pixie-Flower (name still be debated), labour started 60 hours before kick-off but she just kept holding on…….the little darling.

Apparently it’s not just the final I’ll miss as the semis and the quarter finals are far too close to our due date.

Don’t think you’ll be going down the pub, watch football and get pissed with your bloody mates.

So there we go.

My wife assures me that her lack of encouragement for my commitment to supporting the English football team by going down the North End and drinking eight pints of Carling has nothing to do with her being Scottish.

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