Speaking with Heart
- Mums Tips
- Parenting Skills
- Published on Wednesday, 16 September 2015 11:00
- Last Updated on 14 September 2015
- Monica Costa
- 0 Comments
This Summer I attended a very inspirational event filled with new authors whom I would describe ‘writers from the heart’, i.e. people whose lives have been touched by dramatic events and have consequently written books inspired by their feelings. One of these writers from the heart who touched me as a mother is Carmella B’Hahn. This is her story told in her own words. Read them and you will understand what I mean with Speaking with Heart.
Speaking with Heart
by Carmella B’Hahn
When I was eight months pregnant with my first child, Benjaya, a surge of strong emotion suddenly came over me that I simply knew was not my own as it was unrelated to anything I was doing or thinking. I asked the people I was with if they would listen for a moment while I explored this strange phenomenon.
Words spilled out with a wave of pleading emotion, which appeared to be coming from my child-to-be: “I am afraid because birth is like a death to who I really am. There is death in birth, just as there is birth in death. Please give recognition to this when I am born and keep me conscious of who I am when I come.” We were astounded and yet moved by this plea.
His birth was painful but exquisite and I remembered those words as I connected to the purity of his spirit. He was the first baby in the Midlands to be born into water and it was plastered all over the press. Ignorant of this new birthing method, doctors predicted he would drown. Well, in an ironic twist, he did drown. He was five when he fell into a local river and was gone.
Of course, as a mother, I was blasted to kingdom come; the emotional pain surpassing the physical pain of his birth, but I remembered his words, “there is birth in death”. I genuinely celebrated his birth back into the mysterious non-physical realm and knew that I had kept him as conscious of his real self as I was able. One of my greatest sources of suffering thereafter has been witnessing adults speaking to children without awareness. I want to shout, “REMEMBER WHO THE LITTLE ONES ARE BEYOND THEIR BEHAVIOUR AND SPEAK TO THEM THE WAY YOU’D LIKE THEM TO SPEAK TO THEIR CHILDREN.”
I was no expert back then. I hadn’t spoken a word until I was six and was on a life-long quest to relate well. I watched and learned what works and doesn’t in communication and attended many courses. There is so much more to tell about this journey but for now let me say that after Benjaya’s death, I exploded into creativity and wrote three books as well as running workshops and becoming a therapist.
Benjaya’s Gifts is about the extraordinary impact of his birth, life and death, and Mourning Has Broken is filled with keys about how to thrive through grief. Hot-off-the-press Heart of Relating: Communication Beyond Ego helps recognise and stop dysfunctional communication patterns from passing to our children. It shows how to release the conditioning that covers who we truly are.
I am particularly keen to inform parents about Heart of Relating because it has proved to be transformational for family dynamics as well as for couples and individuals. My second son, Asher, now 21, was my guinea pig for these teachings and is my greatest advocate, selling books to all his friends.
All books available from my website, plus video clips: www.heartofrelating.com
Facebook pages: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Heart-of-Relating/359348004252176
Monica Costa founded London Mums in September 2006 after her son Diego’s birth together with a group of mothers who felt the need of meeting up regularly to share the challenges and joys of motherhood in metropolitan and multicultural London. London Mums is the FREE and independent peer support group for mums and mumpreneurs based in London https://londonmumsmagazine.com and you can connect on Twitter @londonmums