Parenting your way through those scary teenage years
- Mums Tips
- Parenting Skills
- Published on Wednesday, 02 November 2022 14:39
- Last Updated on 02 November 2022
- Monica Costa
- 0 Comments
It probably hasn’t been since your children were infants that you felt so overwhelmed with the challenges ahead. Facing the teenage years as a parent is much like those early days of infancy when you were afraid to do anything for fear that you’d do it wrong. This is the case when going through those scary teenage years with your children, so let’s untangle that a bit to help you survive just a little bit longer as they approach adulthood.
Why Are These Years So Difficult?
According to the NHS, there are several things at play during those teenage years. The first thing that makes life scary for your teenager as well as for yourself is that surge in hormones. Along with that, your teenagers are experiencing major changes in their bodies. Then there is the peer pressure they are dealing with while trying to determine right from wrong.
It is at this point that your teenager is looking for their own sense of identity while seeking a sense of independence, even if they are still considered minors by law. They are torn between going to mum and dad as they’ve always done for advice and seeking the counsel of their peers. Now imagine what it must be like for teens in foster care. You are their primary carer now and along with the age-related distrust of all things adult, they are yet to trust that you can be there for them. It is a time of mass confusion for them, so a bit of patience will serve them well.
Spend Quality Time With Them
Sometimes kids just want to be heard. One of the things you may want to try with kids who are going through a rough spell is to plan an outing with them, doing something they’d like to do. Maybe it’s a day at the shops getting a new outfit or perhaps going to an arcade to play a few games.
One of the things that many foster parents appreciate is having that allowance, as explained on fcascotland.co.uk. It gives them a bit of extra cash to be able to do nice things with the kids above and beyond their care allotment. It’s truly an act of love to be there for these kids who so desperately need them, and this is just one of the ways they can show it.
It’s a Matter of Trust
It may be difficult enough to gain their trust if you are dealing with your own biological children but what if you are fostering a troubled teen? You can’t very well regain a trust you never had, so what can you do to overcome their scepticism? For some foster kids, learning to trust may be a real challenge.
It may take time and patience but one of the things you might try is to actively listen to what they are saying and validate their feelings. Let them know that you hear them and will make every effort to help them through these feelings they are expressing. Also, it helps to remain calm in the face of their storm. Remember, these kids have been through a lot so it’s up to you to show them genuine empathy. It may take time, but in the end, the love you show them can help to conquer the very worst of their fears.
Monica Costa founded London Mums in September 2006 after her son Diego’s birth together with a group of mothers who felt the need of meeting up regularly to share the challenges and joys of motherhood in metropolitan and multicultural London. London Mums is the FREE and independent peer support group for mums and mumpreneurs based in London https://londonmumsmagazine.com and you can connect on Twitter @londonmums