Forty something pop princess – Choices and consequences

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Parenting Skills

Published on Sunday, 05 May 2013 09:00

Last Updated on 30 April 2013

Forty something pop princess

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“Mummy, what do you think?” Hmm. I think I have just walked in on a conversation I don’t want to get involved in. My teenage daughter is looking at me imploringly with her beautifully expressive eyes, widening them to full stretch in the way she does when she is trying to tell me something telepathically.

The problem is this. At my daughter’s request, I bought her and her oldest friend tickets to McFly in a few weeks time at Wembley. They are HUGE McFly fans.  Isn’t everyone? Have you not seen Tom’s wedding speech on YouTube?? Anyway, the date falls in the middle of her GCSEs, sandwiched between French and Add Maths.

My daughter obviously wants to go, but her father who was aware of booking the tickets and the clearly does not. It seems I have the casting vote. Damn, I hate that.

Choices and their consequences. This has always been a tricky one for me. It has taken me an inordinate amount of time to realize that pretty much everything has consequences. Your first alcoholic drink, your first late night tube trip, telling your parents you’re in the library when you’re actually in the park with your boyfriend. You need to make good, informed choices. I, as a teenager did not. Annoyingly, my husband did.

Choices and consequences are hard enough to navigate for yourself. I have realised that giving wise counsel is hands down one of the hardest things to do as a parent and there appears to be no let up.

My daughter turned 16 in March. So far there have not been any issues…although I know they may be lurking around the next corner. She works hard, does lots of sports, is quite musical, has nice friends, no boyfriend and isn’t on the scary SW London party scene (yet) – for those of you with younger children, the stories will make your toes curl and will make you want to move!

Is going to one gig that big a deal? I tell my husband that if she is organized and revises one night out won’t make any difference.

But here’s the rub. If the exam that follows turns out to be a nightmare and affects her grade – will she regret going? Personal experience tells me disappointment and regret rarely dissipate completely. And giving advice is especially tricky when your child is receiving the advice and holds you accountable.

Then I ask,  “What do Emma’s parents say?” My daughter sees the chink of light, “Shall I ask her?” she says hopefully. Emma’s mother is what I would call a “proper” mother. My husband has often referred to her as a “sensible” parent. She is ten years older than me and has her finger on the pulse when it comes to all things organizational and academic.

Woo hoo. I have successfully passed the buck onto Emma’s parents, but is this a wise choice? …I wonder what they’ll say.

 

Your Forty something pop princess!