My Ex Rarely Sees the Children

Mums Tips

Parenting Skills

Published on Sunday, 28 December 2014 11:29

Last Updated on 16 December 2014

Sara Davison

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When couples go through divorce, managing time between you and your ex can be stressful, and trying to ensure that your children aren’t affected is equally difficult.

However, in some situations the opposite can happen. When one person appears less interested in maintaining a relationship with your children, this situation can cause even greater upset and hurt for both you and your children.

 

Despite your constant attempts to arrange meetings and dates to get together, if your ex still doesn’t respond to your pleas, it can be hard to comprehend why your ex seems so suddenly disinterested. So when nothing you do makes a difference, what can you do?

Firstly, you need to take control back of your life. Understanding that you will never be able to control what your ex does is the first step.

You have to let go and stop worrying about the things you cannot change. It will drive you mad and create stress for you and your children if you constantly let it take hold of your life.

You can only control the environment that you have and create for your children at home. So make sure you give your children consistency and reliability at home. Give them a routine with you so they have it in their lives. That way even if your ex is unreliable it limits any negative affect on the children. They have a routine with you and that is what they need.

Let your ex know they can see the kids if they would like to arrange it. Put it in writing, a friendly email with no hidden agenda. Say that you are happy for them to see the children but you will wait for them to contact you to arrange. Then let it go and move on with your life. If and when they contact you then you can arrange contact but you cannot keep chasing and creating stress for yourself.

If you have another strong role model of the same gender as your ex in your life such a brother, Dad, Mum or sister then it can help if your children can see them on a regular basis. If not don’t worry. Your love will be enough. You need to focus on your life with your kids and giving them all the good values that they need.

If your ex decides to see them every now and again that is good that they get a chance to know their other parent. Again you cannot control what happens when they are staying with them so there is no point worrying about it. I know this is very hard to do but if you keep yourself busy and plan things to do while they are away this will help. Try to do things in that time that will take you closer to your goals for 2014 as this will give you a great sense of achievement while they are away and you will feel you are using the time well.

Get back in the driving seat of your own life, stop worrying about the things you cannot control and do the best you can with the resources you have.