Doing It Like The Dutch: Four tips from the world’s best sex educators

Your three-year old comes out of the bathroom holding a tampon and asks, “can I have this?” – or a porn ad pops up on the computer while you’re watching youtube with your eight-year-old. 

The question to ask yourself is, what would a Dutch parent say? 

Dutch teenagers are the happiest in the world, and with holistic sex education from the age of four, they’re having first time sex they don’t regret, and experiencing the lowest teen pregnancy rates in Europe. In Holland, under-25s account for only 10% of STIs (sexually transmitted infections). As you can image (we hope you don’t have first-hand knowledge) in the UK it’s over 50%.

Here are the top tips from our line-up of Netherland-savvy sex education experts, including journalist Mark Smith, primary school relationships and sex education teacher Jonny Hunt and Producer of the BBC series Mimi On A Mission: Sex Ed Ida Bruusgaard.

 

  1. It’s easy to body-shame from an early age without realising it. Don’t get too theatrical about nappies and potties, and if your toddler does find a tampon, try “Cool! Let’s find out how much water it can soak up!”

 

  1. Try to remove your embarrassment from the equation. If your six-year-old wants to get naked by the paddling pool, we think you’re eroding rather than protecting their innocence by making a big deal about it. In Holland, you’re not necessarily ever too old for nakedness, and the more bodies a child sees, the more variety they’re exposed to (reading this post by Oregon Girl, it sounds like this is a general Scandinavian approach).

 

  1. Part of being matter-of-fact about bodies is a sensible, straightforward attitude to shapes, sizes and body image. In this Amsterdam Mamas podcast Dr Anisha Abraham notes the protective aspects of Dutch culture when it comes to body image issues. We imagine living there as one long episode of Naked Beach!

 

  1. So it’s too late for all that: your fifteen year old child has their first boyfriend and you need to take a stance on sex? Well not all Dutch parents feel this way, but some manage to aim for positive first sexual experiences over delayed sexual experiences, says Bonnie J Rough, author of Beyond Birds and Bees. Removing the combative element from your relationship, and instead focusing on offering safe spaces and open-minded support, can go a long way to achieving these goals.

Many of us want to talk openly with our children, but we didn’t always have the best sex education ourselves. If you’re unsure about where and how to start the Outspoken Sex Ed website, made especially for parents, can help.

Learn more at ‘Doing It Like The Dutch’, 12 November at 6.45pm in the Conway Hall, Red Lion Square, London WC1R 4RL. Book your place here.

About Monica Costa

Monica Costa founded London Mums in September 2006 after her son Diego’s birth together with a group of mothers who felt the need of meeting up regularly to share the challenges and joys of motherhood in metropolitan and multicultural London. London Mums is the FREE and independent peer support group for mums and mumpreneurs based in London https://londonmumsmagazine.com and you can connect on Twitter @londonmums

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