14 Keywords to understand your partner, your kids & your friends

Mums Tips

Parenting Skills

Published on Monday, 29 September 2014 11:55

Last Updated on 28 September 2014

Monica Costa

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At the age of 44 I have finally managed to gather pearls of wisdom from wise people to share with my fellow London Mums. I hope you enjoy 14 keywords to understand your partner, your kids and your friends.

Keywords to understand your partner

Attention – When you fall in love, what you like the most is the attention to details that both partners express to each other. But when you have kids and lots of things to do, you tend to forget that and pay less attention to your partner. Been there! Done that too! But on my 10^th wedding anniversary my husband surprised me by organising a special dinner at the restaurant where we first kissed. That was such a surprise as I did not even remember the name of that venue. How romantic and totally unexpected because I felt like the invisible woman sometimes! I’ll remember this and try to do something equally amazing.

Intimacy – Intimacy is not all about the physical dimension. It starts with respect and trust. It’s built beyond the physical intimacy. It’s about creating a relationship between accomplices in the same ‘crime’ as well as allowing each other’s freedom.

Respect – When you live with someone, one partner’s choices will inevitably influence the other partner. It’s always good to discuss decision-making together trying to find a compromise that both partners are happy with. It is hard but this shows respect.

Jealousy – it’s only a form of insecurity that can become obsession. It also hides lack of self-esteem. Try to reflect on your partner’s fears and insecurities before thinking that there’s something wrong with your relationship.

Forgiveness – It can happen that your partner forgets your anniversary, birthday etc and you accept his apologies. But tension mounts over the years and the little things pile up to become big mountains. It would be wise to look into the reasons for such behaviour and start forgiving a bit more. It is easier to say than do but let’s try at least.

Solidarity – Difficult moments happen in the life of a couple – like loosing a job or grieving for someone etc, but it is useful to face every day with a smile to avoid guilt feelings.

 

Keywords to understand your kids

Listening – Do you remember when your child spoke his first words? I bet you were listening to him so intensively. And you have probably encouraged him to say them again and praised him. But then kids grow up and our attention seems to be less and less as certain things seem less important. In reality it is vital to listen to your child’s emotions at any age. This requires a time investment but it’s worthwhile for when they become teenagers and young adults.

Expectations – Parents think they know what’s best for their children, but it’s not always the case. Ideally to make sure you understand your kids, you need to listen to what they like and want for their future to set realistic expectations for both. Teenagers can be particularly feisty and dialogue might not work. If this is the case, it’s best to show them trust and support.

Rebellion – The change from a good and obedient child to a rebel can be very quick and unexpected. When children reach adolescence (and these days they get to puberty as early as 10!), they start distancing themselves from the family (where it was safe and secure) and want to find themselves. Try to avoid hostile behaviour and maintain open doors at all times as well as dialogue. Teenagers want to be   treated like adults.

Creativity – Children often create imaginary worlds and friends (think of Lola in the series ‘Charlie & Lola’) but you should not worry about it. This can lead to artistic talent so make sure you encourage them to express their creativity.

Egoism – Children can be cruel and show very little altruistic behaviour towards siblings, parents and relatives. Do not worry! It’s normal! They don’t seem to have sympathy, which they develop over time and once they become more rational and emotional. A cuddle, a kiss and moral support is always a good way to their heart. Lead by example and show them compassion towards others so they will eventually learn these skills from you.

Keywords to understand your friends

Trust – you probably have hundreds of ‘friends’ on Facebook but real friends are those you can trust and rely upon whenever you need them most. They are the ones you can tell your secrets to and who would help you no matter what. They are only a handful, I’d say not more than 5. The others are only ‘social friends’. If you have a deep relationship with a friend she can be like a mirror, someone who can give you back a honest opinion.

Freedom – We always feel free with people who understand us and we confide in. Real friends would always understand if you are not in the mood to talk, to go out, have fun. They are there for you.

Patience – Sometimes even your best friends go through a rough patch and you just need to be there for them but patience is the best cure with people you love.

You can agree to my pearls of wisdom or not. I’d love to hear your sincere comments anyhow!