Musings on acute fecal incontinence

Mums Tips

Fitness & Health

Published on Saturday, 27 May 2023 11:08

Last Updated on 01 June 2023

Madeleine

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There’s fart, there’s shit and now there’s a helpful new compound word to clarify the subtleties of bowel incontinence  –  ‘shart’ –  currently called ‘leaking poo’ by the NHS. It’s a lonely, unsettling and little spoken of place you go for 24 hours after eating an indian or some highly processed food, in which you can no longer fart with confidence.

It happened to me last week after eating party food and it’s so rare I didn’t even recognise it till something just. felt. wet. The shame! And fear, as visions of my mother’s creeping incontinence flashed back. Could this mean I was already on the slippery slope to ever-fatter panty pads with ever-more coverage?

My daughter and I swapped shart-attack anecdotes which left us winded and weepy, and me feeling reassured. She consulted youtube, as with all things, and sure enough, there was some poor kid being humiliated in front of the world for sharting A-gain by some exasperated American dad. He deserves to have the child removed into care for all the poor nutrition and emotional abuse.

Thank you Amurca for another vital addition to our lexicon. I do love how English morphs every generation with noob words pushing out the crusties. Very Darwinian, democratic, creative, organic. And to think there are people and software harvesting the usage patterns as data to create our ever-evolving Oxford English Dictionary. I wonder if I can get shart out of the Shame-zone and into the next edition…? Shart Shart Shart Shart Shart Shart Shart Shart Shart

This wouldn’t work in France, where 30 hoary Academiciens sit in state evaluating which words are deserving of a place in their precious Larousse. Words of Anglo-Saxon origin are often consigned to official non-existence. Instead, the Committee produces dignified Gallic alternatives which nobody uses. So Napoleonic.

 

Please see the NHS link here for advice and treatment.