Love coach: How to reconnect after an argument

Nov 21 2020

Arguments happen in all relationships.

Research has shown that arguments are usual and does not mean you can’t have a long and happy relationship.

Couples therapy has taught me it’s how we argue and how we reconnect that matters.

A key characteristic of happy couples is that they turn towards each other after an argument.

They come together and try to understand the other, and while they might complain about the other’s actions, they never make it about their character.

Let’s look at some ways to reconnect once you have both calmed down.

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Love coach: How to end toxic relationship conflicts

Nov 19 2020

We often forget that a relationship is the integration of two nervous systems.

This person we attach to has a far more significant impact on our nervous system than others.

That means they can calm but also excite us easier.

That’s why we get so easily triggered by our partner but not our colleagues, friends, or strangers.

It’s also why our partner’s touch can calm us down far better than the touch of a stranger if you are securely attached.

That’s why the most crucial skill couples need to learn is how to regulate their nervous system, so when we feel anxious or fearful, we can calm down, and when we feel unmotivated, we can create excitement.

Therein also lies the balance between boredom and anxiety. Too much excitement creates fear and anxiety, and too little cause boredom.

The destructive conflicts in relationships happen for two reasons.

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Love coach: 6 Tips to end relationship conflicts

Nov 15 2020

In my previous article, we explored the causes of relationship conflicts and why regulation is the key to ending conflicts. If you did not read that go check it out before reading this article.

The essential tool to avoid conflict is learning to regulate our stress response.

Once that takes over, it’s a downhill path.

As a dating coach and relationship coach, I see the inability to deal with our stress response as the most significant issue for connecting with others.

Once we go into our primal brain, it’s game over.

This is one of the critical skills I work with couples on premarital counseling and couple counseling.

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