Author Archive

The moments that define your relationship

Nov 28 2020

We have been made to believe that with enough chemistry, relationships should just work out by themselves.

We learn zero relationship skills growing up, and yet we know relationships are likely the most critical and complex arena we have to navigate.

So, let’s dive in a cultivate the relationship skills you need for a successful relationship.

One of these skills is knowing how to make your partner feel loved, but that’s not the focus of today’s post. I created the free love language quiz, and you can check that out on Zensensa.

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Love coach: How to reconnect after an argument

Nov 21 2020

Arguments happen in all relationships.

Research has shown that arguments are usual and does not mean you can’t have a long and happy relationship.

Couples therapy has taught me it’s how we argue and how we reconnect that matters.

A key characteristic of happy couples is that they turn towards each other after an argument.

They come together and try to understand the other, and while they might complain about the other’s actions, they never make it about their character.

Let’s look at some ways to reconnect once you have both calmed down.

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Love coach: How to end toxic relationship conflicts

Nov 19 2020

We often forget that a relationship is the integration of two nervous systems.

This person we attach to has a far more significant impact on our nervous system than others.

That means they can calm but also excite us easier.

That’s why we get so easily triggered by our partner but not our colleagues, friends, or strangers.

It’s also why our partner’s touch can calm us down far better than the touch of a stranger if you are securely attached.

That’s why the most crucial skill couples need to learn is how to regulate their nervous system, so when we feel anxious or fearful, we can calm down, and when we feel unmotivated, we can create excitement.

Therein also lies the balance between boredom and anxiety. Too much excitement creates fear and anxiety, and too little cause boredom.

The destructive conflicts in relationships happen for two reasons.

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Love coach: 6 Tips to end relationship conflicts

Nov 15 2020

In my previous article, we explored the causes of relationship conflicts and why regulation is the key to ending conflicts. If you did not read that go check it out before reading this article.

The essential tool to avoid conflict is learning to regulate our stress response.

Once that takes over, it’s a downhill path.

As a dating coach and relationship coach, I see the inability to deal with our stress response as the most significant issue for connecting with others.

Once we go into our primal brain, it’s game over.

This is one of the critical skills I work with couples on premarital counseling and couple counseling.

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Love coach: How to balance relationship safety and excitement

Nov 12 2020
Love coach relationship couple

We live in a culture that is obsessed with love.

We have transformed from a culture where the marriage was an arrangement to help survive and have a safe unit to raise a family.

Today falling-in-love is considered the motivation for relationships and marriage. Being in love is an addiction and not a solid foundation for a long-term relationship.

Before getting into a relationship, you should look out for five things in a potential partner.

We now face the constant challenge of balancing our need for closeness with our need for autonomy.

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